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"I couldn't change though I wanted to..."
A vague disclaimer is no one's friend and so I offer this...The following page may be offensive to some people. Discussed are: body modification, religion, sexual preferance and alternative lifestyles, as well as other things which I choose to rant about or want to share. There might also be some offensive language, since I have a potty mouth as it is. If you don't have an open mind you might want to check out another section of this page. If you do choose to read what I have here and are offended don't get on your high horse and email me telling me what a freak I am. Flames will not be answered...only laughed at and then used to make s'mores. You have been warned.
::My First Piece of Ink::My Second Tattoo::Being Bisexual::SlashWhore::
I have always been one of those people who saw people with tattoos and instead of going, "Why would someone do that to themselves" I went over and wanted to know the story behind their ink. I found tattoos beautiful, and I've always associated them with strength of body, mind, and spirit. This is probably due to the fact that my Grandfather has a navel tattoo on his forearm. Some of my most vivid memories of childhood include that tattoo...sitting, curled in his lap and tracing the swirls of the anchor while he told me stories of when he was growing up. Or, when we would arm wrestle I would always watch the play of muscles under his tat. My grandfather has always been one of the strongest people I know, having grown up poor, making a comfortable life for himself, and finally taking care of my grandmother in her final years as senile dementia took away her mind. And so since I was young I have always wanted a tattoo of my own. However, I have also been told since I was young and first expressed an interest that should I ever get a tattoo that I would be written out of my grandfather's will as well as disowned adn kicked out of my home. So, *of course* I was going to get one eventually just to spite my grandfather's hypocracy, but more on that later. So, I bided my time till I was 18, and was in college and free to make my own decisions. I wasn't actually expecting to get a tattoo my first year in college, but when the oppertunity came I jumped on it. My friends went to 'Atlantic Tattoo Company' (ATC) to get some piercings done because it came highly recommended and I went along for the ride. While waiting for them to get done I was looking through the sheets of designs when one just jumped out at me. As you can see in the pictures below it is a gray cat with yellow eyes, laying on the top of a blue crescent moon. There are 3 blue stars above and below the moon as well. The first two poor quality shots were taken with my webcam. The third somewhat better quality shot was taken with my friend's digital camera. I don't think either capture the quality of it. The colors are much brighter in real life.
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My tattoo is on my right hip, but more towards my ass then my abdomen. It only took about an hour and a half to complete, the outlining taking the most time (an hour). It cost me $100 total, which for the quality I think is well worth the price. Most people are afraid of the pain factor, but honestly with everyone it's different. Personally I have a very high pain tolerance, so the feeling wasn't so much pain, but an annoying cat scratch feeling that went away as soon as Joel wiped away the excess ink/blood. Yes, it does bleed a little bit, not much more then if you nik yourself shaving though. The pain afterwards was minimal, only if I bumped it, and it was heeled in under 2 weeks. I absolutly love my tattoo and will never regret getting it because it has special meaning for me. The cat pictured looks almost exactly like my real cat Cinder, which my parents had to give away while I was at school. So in a way I will always be able to have him with me. The moon and stars represent my views on religion and my quest to enter into the Wiccan practice, and overall my ink stands for my first year of freedom. The reason I got it on my hip is because at this point in my life my parents/grandfather still exert a lot of control over my life and so I'm not quite ready to let them know I have it. The only people who can see it are those I choose to show. As for my next tattoo, I already have it designed and I'm planning to get it done next year when I come back to school.
Well, I said I would get my second tat done when I came back to school, and I did! About 2 weeks into the semester as a matter of fact. Boy, I don't waste any time do I? Ok, so my friend Heather wanted to go to ATC to buy a new belly ring, so I went along and took my design with me to get a price and set up and appointment. I talked to Chrissy (the other artist at ATC) and she quoted me $150-175 depending on the coloring. So I said okay, and set up the appointment with Joel for the next Thursday. Truthfully when I went in I had no idea what I wanted done color wise other then I wanted the nosepink and the eyes green. So Joel and I discussed my options and finally decided on a soft gray for the overall outline, except for the eyes which would be outlined in black. And the shading (which is really hard to see in the shot...hell, it's hard to see anything in the shot. I'm working on that, really.) is a light blue that fades into a light pinkish red, with white at towards the center of the face. Overall it dreates a very soft look, but it's still dramatic. My personal favorite are the eyes though, they just pop out at you. As I said they are outlined in black, and shaded with an emerald to hunter green color, and then highlighted at the rims with yellow. Joel did an absolutly amazing job with my design. Overall it took about 2 or so hours to complete, and ended up being $150 plus tip because Joel likes me. Woohoo! As for positioning, this one is on my left hip, though unlike my first one this one is more towards my abdomen. It's about 2and a half inches high, and about 2 inches wide, so it is smaller then my first one. But that's only because the stars extend beyond the main portion of the tattoo itself.
The thing that was really neat, was that this time I actually got to watch while he worked on me. The first time because of where it was I couldn't see anything. Nut this time I got to see him outline the whole thing, and how he did the shading. It's an interesting process, though if the sight of blood or needles freaks you, you may not find it quite so interesting. I ahve no problems with that kinda thing. And as my friend Karen, who was with me said, "Ohh, blood..." and then she went to go sit down. heh. Plus it helps with the annoying pain factor if you know when he's doing it, where he is, and how much more he has to do before he's done. Though truthfully I still didn't find that I was in a lot of pain. The worst was towards the end, when he was almost done shading, and was rubbing the excess ink/blood off and the skin was already so sensitized that it was starting to hurt. As for the feeling it took me about a week to stop peeling/scabbing and I had no degridation of color. So, another piece of art successfully done, now to plan my next one. Damn, I'm running out of places to hide them. Oh well.
I'm Only a Lesbian 1/2 the Time
I think that's the easiest way to describe what being a bisexual female is like to someone. Because if you tell someone who isn't familiar with the terminology that you are 'bi' they'll automatically assume that you are either a) a crossdresser, b) a transexual, or c) a lesbian. So, let me start out by saying I'm *NONE* of those three things. I was born a girl, I dress like a girl, and I do like men... a lot in fact. So if you call me a lesbian I'll get offended. Call me a queer, dyke, or any other slang word you can think of and I'll move beyond offended into seriously pissed off, and you might get hit. So, I am bisexual, bi if you prefer, and I like both men and woman. I've been in relationships with both, and have discovered that both have their shares of ups and downs and give and take. Women may be more sensitive and nurturing, but you try both having PMS at the same time and see how 'kind and nurturing' you both become. Guys are like dogs, they need to be trained. I had my first experience with a girl when I was 12, and had my first boyfriend around that time as well. You could say I was a percocious child. I've known for many years where my sexuality lies, although only recently (a few years ago) came out to my friends. It took me till I was 18, almost 19, and the death of a close friend for me to finally come out to my mother. It was possibly one of the scariest moments of my life, even though I knew that she wouldn't have a problem with it. Afterwards though, I did feel as if I could fly, such a burden was lifted. So far I haven't been faced with any prejudice because of my sexuality. Though I don't advertise it as some people do. It's basically on a need to know basis, though if you ask me, I'll tell you flat out. So, as my mother said, I 'keep my options open'.
You have not seen beauty in this world until you have seen two beautiful boys kissing. Ah, it is a joy to behold. So, what is a slashwhore? For those of you uninitiated people reading this it it comprised of two words: slash and whore. Slash is a commonly used term used to describe a relationship, normally sexual, between two people/characters of the same sex. It come from the / used to seperate the person's names. For instance, I currently am obsessed with *deep breath* Xander/Spike, Xander/Angel, Angel/Spike, Mikhael/Harley, Cy/Skids, Willow/Tara, Brian/Justin, Michael/David, ect... Now, the term whore in this instance means someone who will sell their soul to get another piece of fic/comic/show/whatever. I am willing to do that, hence I am a self proclaimed SlashWhore!!! All others tremble before me..well maybe not. Anyhoo, to me, there is nothing sexier then two attractive guys snogging each other like there's no tomorrow. Well, actually them being all naked and sweaty and having hot monkey sex is better then the snogging, but there's normally heavy mouth action involved in that too. I think my obsession with this stems from being very liberal and open minded about all things, as well as being bisexual myself. I enjoy seeing people being comfortable with who they are. I know guys tend to get creeped out and homophobic about gay men, but personally I love them. Every girl needs a gay male friend. But back to the slash. I get my fixes from comics (BoyMeetsBoy), tv (QueerAsFolk, Buffy/Angel), and most importantly fanfiction (NummyTreats, WhiteKnight, StickyFingers) because you can have fanfic about anything including comics and tv...which of course I recieve. I am however openminded, as much as I adore gay relationships I also like fem-slash as well. Just not as much...though Willow/Tara is just too cute for words. *cough* So, in conclusion I leave you with this: Do not meddle with slashers, for we are evil and you would look hot kissing another guy. *grin*